What’s The Episode About…
Everyone has that woman that they look up to, I have mine and I’m sure you have yours too.
Well, everything starts with envisioning that successful woman and realizing that she is not that different from you.
Once you come to that realization and understand that you can also accomplish everything you want. The thing is, you must be willing to work for it. It may seem like the successful women that you admire just showed up one day and landed on the top with a super successful company. But, that’s not the case and likely far from it.
Today, we are going to study a handful of success stories, we are going to decode the patterns and you are going to take all that knowledge to start writing your own story. Are you ready?
Key points discussed:
- Courage: the first step to develop the resilience you need to hit success (03:53)
- The belief in your ability to navigate obstacles when they come. (05:00)
- Set your boundaries and start choosing the relationships that strengthen you. (06:44)
- The essentials of finding a sense of purpose and mission (08:43)
- Accepting failure as part of the journey and the willingness to take the risk (10:15)
- Taking full responsibility for your failure and your success (16:00)
Learn More About The Content Discussed…
- Successful Women Think Differently Book
- Super Attractor Book
- The Camp Elevate Facebook Group
- Beth’s Instagram: @bethholdengraves
- Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, or your favorite app!
When Did It Air…
October 14, 2019
Episode Transcript…
Disclaimer: The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors
So making sure that the purpose and vision are more than just, Hey, I’m going to make some money, if that makes sense to you. And there are so many different resources for this. And the other piece is this, and I noticed this is a perspective on life and this is what Valerie says, word for word a perspective on life that accepts failure and mistakes as normal and part of the journey.
Welcome to You’re Not The Boss Of Me. If you are determined to break glass ceilings and build it your way, this show is for you. I’m your host Beth Graves, and I am obsessed with helping you to not just dream it, but make the plan, connect the dots and create what you crave. Are you ready? Let’s get started. Hey, Hey. Hey. Welcome back. This is episode number three of You’re Not The Boss Of Me and in today’s episode
we are going to talk about what decisions that you need to make every single day to have that dream of being your own boss, building that dream business and along with that building, that life that really serves you, aligns with you, gives you joy and makes you present instead of the hustle and grind and make things happen at all costs. Cause you know, if you’ve listened to my past episodes, I’ve been there, I’ve done that and I’ve realigned and I’m here to help you to do the same. But I don’t want you to this episode I want to talk about what a successful woman, what, what she might look like, what are the types of decisions and what she faces every single day. So there are some things that I’ve noticed in working with women that, that have success habits and make the decision to go all-in with something and make massive amounts of money.
And I want to share those with you today. And I also want to share this with you. You can create those habits and make a shift in your life. So there’s always that woman. And I’m thinking of one right now. I want you to think about that girl, the one who seems like she’s got it all together and she did that thing. She went out and she created that business. She created that life, that marriage, that partnership. She did that thing and she may not, you may think, well wait a minute, she’s not that different than me. Like what is the reason that she’s having this success and I’m not what caused her to create this life that she’s living that’s abundant and she’s maybe you’re comparing yourself to her on social media and that’s a whole another episode. But there is, there is the success formula with happiness and success of that person that we’re thinking of.
And so I love Valerie Burton. She’s written some awesome books. Successful women think differently is one that I love and I want to share with you what, what I’ve used in helping coach women, it was, I read this and I started to really, really think about how what she was saying in what successful women look like and what unsuccessful women look like. And not saying that you have a label of being unsuccessful if you’re not making it happen, but how you can develop the habits, the routines, and the rituals through work, coaching, commitment, doing the thought work, the inner work, and then developing that resilience that helps you to get to that place where you want to be. So I’m going to go through these. A successful woman has courage in the face of fear more and more, whether you have everything aligned in the perfect path.
I’ve noticed that the women that I’ve worked with that have hit that multiple six-figure Mark has that marriage or have a lot of happiness principals in their life, they’re courageous. They’re willing to do the thing. They’re willing to go out and join the tennis team there. They have courage. Even if they feel fear and you never see them do the opposite of feel sorry for themselves. Things don’t go as planned. Oh, it didn’t work out. That person was supposed to sign up to coach with me and she didn’t. I have. If you’re a network marketer, Oh my gosh. And my leadership, my team, they’re not doing anything. They’re not doing anything. It’s that mindset of feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing ever happens for me. I’ve been there, I’ve done both of these. I’ve been that successful woman and I’ve been the unsuccessful woman as well.
And I don’t even know if I want to label it success and unsuccess and want to label it how we’re growing to be having those habits and characteristics of what defines that success, which for me it means you’re feeling joy and abundance in all areas of your life. So another thing that Valerie points out is this woman has a belief in her ability to navigate obstacles when they come. And the other side of that is giving up. Once you fail, once you feel failure, just giving up. So how many times, and I did this a million times, not a million, but many times when I would just feel like, you know what? This isn’t for me. Start a business. Have a dream, not figure something out. Get caught in procrastination. And at some point, I figured out that I had to keep going even with obstacles.
I had to go until and keep going and not have that. I’m going to stop. It’s putting one foot in front of the other. It’s saying I’m going out for that run. If you’re, you know, to be metaphoric on your business, I’m going to go out for that run and I’m going to go until I get to the end of the street and then I’m turning around and back. I’m gonna put good nutrition in my body so that I feel like running. I’m going to have a great running list, but I’m not going to hit the wall and say forget it. I’m done. And that happens so many times and it’s happened to me in building the next business of building the coaching business and the programs of, I have given up so many times until it literally hit me on the head when I had a very, very, very dear friend say to me, listen, I need to navigate.
I need that path. What are you doing to get to the point that those obstacles aren’t getting in your way? How do you overcome? What can we do? And then we had this free Facebook group, which is going on camp elevate, and we realized there is a path and there are strategies. And that’s what we learned on this podcast. So relationships that strengthen successful women are the relationships we choose. Meaning surrounding ourselves with people that uplift, inspire, that give mentoring, that have positivity and getting rid of the toxic pieces that are, I’ve watched so, so many women not be willing and maybe it’s a family member. So that’s learning how to, to ask with love for the boundaries. And you know, I’m reading those of you that are following like it, I’ve been talking about it in the podcast. Gabrielle Bernstein talks about in her book super attractor, how to have those conversations with people that if, if the conversation, like she talks about her mom bringing up infertility and she with love had the conversation of putting that boundary in place.
And so some relationships are built around fast. I have them. I have that friend that I’m always like, are you ever tempted to send a screenshot of something? Are you ever tempted to call out someone else’s weaknesses because it makes you feel better? Or are you surrounding yourself with a circle of women? Are you seeking out a council of women that push you and perhaps it’s coaching, perhaps it’s paying for a group? For me, I had to pay for someone. I couldn’t depend on someone to do volunteer work on me. I was like, I need to strengthen these areas. And so I am going to like this. To me, this journey of building a business, making money and not screwing up everything else along the way. This is, this is like training for the biggest Olympic games. So would you go to the Olympics and just do it by chance and say, Oh, I’m going to read a book, I’m going to listen to it on audible?
Yes, there are so many free tools, but relationships strengthen you and that means your coaching relationships. That means your friendships. That means you’re putting boundaries in place. So the next piece that we, that we learn from studying success is that the goals are not just, and you guys have heard this on another episode, the goals and the mission, that’s how they’re based. So a goal is not just like, Hey, I’m going to sell a bunch of stuff and make money. The goal would be like, ultimately what is it? Are you being authentic to your deepest needs and desires? And when I know the big desire and belief that I have in building a business, not just who I want to serve, but what the goals will do for my family, I will go until instead of stopping when I hit those obstacles. So that brings us to have a sense of purpose and vision.
Spend some time, and we do this in my program and there are so many resources that we can work through this. But finding a sense of what is your purpose and what is your vision? What is it? Why do you want to serve, sell, do whatever it is that you’re doing? Because if it’s just I’m going to make some money and I’m going to win, win, win, win, win, and you don’t have the purpose and vision, then everything else falls to the wayside. So making sure that the purpose and vision are more than just, Hey, I’m gonna make some money, if that makes sense to you. And there are so many different resources for this and I will be sharing how to really map that purpose and vision in future episodes. So keep listening, make sure you download it. Right. Um, and the other piece is this, and I noticed this is a perspective on life and this is what Valerie says, word for word or perspective on life that accepts failure and mistakes as normal and part of the journey.
So Julie, who is one of the most successful entrepreneurs I know, she has multiple businesses. She will, and she, we’re in sales. So she will always tell me like with excitement about who she’s going to help. Oh sh this, I’m going to help her. She’s got, she’s really tired of working this job. I’m going to help her set up her business. I’m a helper. Have success. She’s giving her all the tools, but she, I never hear Julie go into the space of yes, she has disappointment when she isn’t able to succeed with someone, but she just moves on. She doesn’t dwell. It’s not, uh, it’s not focusing on the failure. You guys, I have attempted and launched things in my life, businesses before my journey that started like the real entrepreneurial journey that didn’t succeed. And one of the best ones, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this in an episode, but I think I have was I was going to start the pop-up store at the horse shows and I bought thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars worth of clothes.
It didn’t work out. I ended up like having a glorified garage sale. It was, it pretty much turned into a golf cart business that the horse shows. Like it’s a really great cocktail party story. But I didn’t dwell in that failure. I think my husband might’ve dwelled in the failure a little bit because, but I was like, Oh, okay. I didn’t do what I said I was going to do, but I’m gonna figure out how to make that money back and because I spent the money so it wasn’t like, Oh, I failed. I suck. I didn’t figure out how to launch. I didn’t buy the hangars in time or I didn’t rent the space. I was like, okay, realign, let’s do it. So if you find yourself just saying, well, I suck so I’m not going to continue. That is the work that we do with the rituals and the habits and the routines and getting that mindset in place and having really that daily action plan that’s going to work for you.
Here’s another piece is the willingness to take risks. Meaning when you start in business, and I’m so clear on this now is I’m thinking about when my friend Nancy, who she’s an introvert, getting into a sales business and putting herself out there and talking with people was really, really fear. She had a lot of fear and it took a lot of courage and all of these things. Okay, fit Nancy. When I think about her success because now she’s multiple six-figure earners and she’s building her business in her way. So she was willing to take the risk. I remember her saying, it just starts with one, I have so much passion for what I’m doing and the women that I can help. And she had this dialogue, but how will they receive this? Who am I to ask them to do this? And then she reframed in a positive way by seeking help and coaching from a mindset coach.
And then she was like, listen, I’m just going to get started now. I’m probably not going to be perfect at it, but that’s okay because I’m willing to take the risk. So when I think about Nancy and starting her business and me watching her willing to take the risk, she was not an eternal procrastinator and that is such a vision of a successful woman. So there she was, let’s walk it through with Nancy who had no experience online and building a business had only sold horses and horses were easy because that was in her wheelhouse. So she had courage in the face of fear. She knew that there would be obstacles and building a business online cause she didn’t even understand what it meant to build a business online and to create community and culture and an organization and have a sales team. But she believed that she would have the ability to navigate and, and the obstacles that would come her way, she didn’t give up.
She kept going. She kept showing up because her belief and her vision for what was going to happen for her family and for what she was sharing with people was so much stronger than that fear. Okay. And so her goals that were set were so authentic to her deepest needs and desires. See, I’m walking you through with Nancy. So she wanted freedom, financial freedom. She wanted to allow her husband to heal from an injury and wanted him to have the stress pressure taken off. And she found a platform to be able to do that. Okay. So she had that sense of purpose and vision. And she also, I don’t know, in like here’s the thing, we didn’t define this as it was happening. It was just the characteristics of studying success. I’ve studied Nancy, she’s had success and her perspective was that failure is part of the journey and she has had some failures along the way.
Some big ones, some things that have really rocked her world. But she kept the focus on, I’m going to just keep going, I’m going to overcome and the good things will come my way. And she did an incredible job of seeking out the community, her sisterhood, her coaches, her mentors, and her friends who would support that journey. So as we’re thinking about this piece, the success habits of women, what are the habits, the principles that you see happening in successful women around you? Notice it, observe it, journal about it, and also another one is total and complete responsibility. Never placing blame on someone else. Like that is a huge thing that I had done in my life before. Having success was I would blame a circumstance or I would blame something would get in my way and I was casting blame and as soon as I said it’s 100% my responsibility is when that shift started to take, take hold.
And when I started, before I was ready, when I watch someone like Nancy who built a business, it wasn’t perfect. It was just the courage to take the step and take another and take another and not fall into this, Oh, it’s not for me. It’s not happening. When you’re noticing and comparing that somebody else is going faster and then it’s saying, okay, I’m succeeding, but how do I keep this road, this path? How do I get better? How do I grow? And then how do I share that with other people? And that’s what I have found with my personal journey is not throwing that spaghetti at the wall, not spraying and praying, but figuring out the path, the destination, the road. But sometimes just taking brave inspired action. Sometimes just saying, Hey, you know what? I do talk a lot about having that mission, have that goal.
But sometimes it’s just, Hey, I’m going to do this and I’m going to see what happens and when, and then your belief that there will be a success. So I want to end with this today. I am going to challenge you too. Have you ever seen the movie and chanted and with this movie it’s like a fairy tale, a modern fairy tale. And we’re in this movie. If you haven’t watched it, the, I can’t even remember which princess. I’m that mom that took my daughter on a Disney cruise and I didn’t do princesses very well even though I love a good princess. And so she didn’t even pass like the, she was five and they’re like, what do you mean you don’t have like she was the trivia loser for princesses, I think at a starter for life. I’m sorry Mackenzie if you’re listening. So in this movie she goes, gets to New York City and she literally comes out of the little round sewer thing.
I don’t think it’s a sewer, but where that’s in the sidewalk. She comes up and everybody in New York City is like dull and dark and they’re, they’re moving fast and she’s colorful and she’s like the princess that is laughing and singing and people just stare at her because she’s got this sense of optimism and I want you to be that person in, in an elevated way that elevated state of, I have courage, I am me, I am doing this thing and I am going to take action and make it happen. Don’t dwell you guys, just be the woman you want to be. Decide come out of that sewer in the New York City sidewalk and and be alive and be vibrant with color and just be like, Hey, I’m doing this thing because that successful women, the most important pieces, you’re willing to take that action and you’re willing to take the action again and again and again even if you don’t have the perfect plan in place.
I sure didn’t when I started. I’m going to encourage you to do this. Also, I have a business journal, a success journal, I think I just called it my dream journal and I almost doodled in it. And every single day of the entrepreneurial journey since 2014 on that journal, I would write that goal, that big goal, that vision, what I wanted to succeed. And it’s changed and I read it and me kind of laugh because it’s, it’s really shifted over time. But I would just say I’m happy and grateful that so I did it in the present tense and, and don’t be like, okay, I have to do this perfectly. I want it to be your book of business, your book of life, that if somebody was to pick this journal up, they would be able to watch your journey. And I’m going to give you a formula for this, of stating your goal in the present tense at the top.
And for me, it was that 30-day goal. I’m happy and grateful that, and this was just business. This wasn’t the health, this wasn’t the relationship. I now do an entire focus bubble and a map where we take a look at all of those areas. We do that in my program and that really elevates, but this, this is something I started without a plan. I just had it and I thought, okay. And then I wrote down 10 action steps that I was going to do that day. No matter what. No matter if I was scared, no matter if I didn’t know how, no matter if I was afraid I was going to do, and they’re called income-producing activities, but activities that would have me talking to people that could buy my products or services or become a part of my business, no matter what, 10 a day.
And I would write that down. And if I didn’t do it, I would say tomorrow I will have the courage to do the things that it will take for me to hit these goals. And as I added mindset, and as I added routines and rituals that, that raise, that vibration and that positivity, of course, that journal became easier. But I have every single day an observation. So what I do in that journal is this, I put the goal in the present tense. And then I had, I used a leap acronym, something that I had learned that day about someone that was successful, how they showed up. I study success like it is my job. I want to see what are the successful women and entrepreneurs doing. So something that I learned that day. So that’s your personal development. So every day I learn one or two things, whether I listened to a podcast or I’m reading a book or just learning something on social media, I just wrote it down, learn.
Then my 10 action steps that I had were how did I earn? Okay, so it’s L what did you learn? How did you earn? And then I thought every day I have to get eyes on what I’m doing. How am I attracting new people into my space? And sometimes that would be the social media plan. Sometimes it might be just going out and attending a meeting or attending an info session on gut digestion and meeting new people or a book club. But attract, most of the time for me was how am I showing up on social media to get eyes on what I’m doing? And not selling and being spammy, but how am I attracting new people in a way that’s serving them. And then P was how am I planning for the next day and planning for this day. And in the beginning, I didn’t have a whole lot of planning that included my health and wellness and my relationships that grew.
But it’s your leap journal. So it’s learned, earn, attract and plan. And I’m going to be talking about this journal often and if that seems overwhelming for you, cause some days I didn’t do at all, some days I just wrote, I’m happy and grateful that here’s what I’m doing today. And it was almost like a this is what I did to build my business. So another way that you can do this journal and it’s yours and I love colourful markers, I love making it pretty and fun is having that journal be the Chronicle of your journey. So if your, I was like, this is my million dollar journal. I’m going to show women how to make $1 million with no experience and no authority or influence online to start. And so it was the story of my journey and some days I did the leap. I do that more now so that I can say, okay, I’ve got to learn.
I’ve got to do something to earn. I’ve got to do something that attracts and keeps eyes coming my way and I’ve got a plan. But many days it was just, here’s what I did. Here’s what worked. And you can even write this journal to another character, to that woman that is looking at you and she wants to grow her business. And I want you to think that she’s picking up this journal and she’s going to read the story. But here’s the catch. Keeping it positive, not allowing yourself, remember what we talked about earlier in this podcast of making those decisions to focus on solutions and not problems, right? To show up and be courageous over fear, to choose the people wisely in your life. So don’t let your journal become a best because what you put out into the world is what you attract. So I want this to be your, your book, your book of life, your book of success, your book of love.
Do it. Just start that journal. And I would just say at the end of each day, okay, what did I do today? What am I doing tomorrow? And it doesn’t have to be exact. I give you all kinds of ideas, but make it your own. Because I want you to be able to have chronicled, Hey, Oh my gosh, I remember when I learned this, you guys, I didn’t even know about personal development. I wasn’t a seeker of knowledge for personal growth, but I did love to learn about anything that I was doing. And even if it’s a quote that you find on Pinterest that inspires you, put it down in that journal. And so if I were to say to you, which I might, when you come to one of our camps, bring that journal and write it to help someone on their journey. Because someday, ladies, someone’s going to ask you to write that book.
Someone’s going to say, how did you do it? And you’re going to say, I did it my way. I did it in a way that felt right for me, but I was courageous. I was willing to go until I was willing to overcome obstacles and I surrounded myself with people that uplifted me, that believed in me, and I kicked ass in my beautiful life. That is my wish for you. So let’s do the thing. All right and always thank you so much for being with us today. I love you on Instagram. It makes me feel so happy when I get shared in a story and then it allows me to connect with you. And if anything in here has made a connection with you, send me a DM on it. I would love to chat with you. That’s where I spend so much of my time.
As always, join us in camp, elevate over on Facebook to thecampelevategroup.com link and the comments and um, be looking for so many exciting things that are being launched. If you’re like, I need some structure around this. I love these ideas but I want to have a 12-week plan to bust this out of the water. You can head on over to BethHoldenGraves.com you will see a place to get on the list for when we launched this 12-week program. It is, I am bringing in you guys some of the most insanely and talented successful women to speak and we are going to have that roadmap and it’s going to be a whole lot of fun and I want to make sure that you grab if you’re going to join us, a lot of colourful markers because this is a colourful and vibrant life we’re living. No need to be boring. Thanks so much. I will catch you next time. Have a beautiful day.
Thank you so much for hanging with me today on the podcast and remember you can create what you crave. If you’re looking for a supportive sisterhood, I would love to see you over in our free Facebook group. As most of you know, I love to camp. It’s part of, You’re Not The Boss Of Me because when we’re building this thing, we’re doing this thing. We need a supportive sisterhood, and I also crave more fun and more connection. Join us at Camp Elevate in the Facebook world thecampelevategroup.com or just click on the link below and we will see you around our campfire and help you to create what you crave.